Not Poetic At All

I’ve been having a bit of a sad this weekend. I don’t want to go on and on whining and wallowing, since that is a teenager’s Livejournal is for, and I am neither a teenager nor a Livejournaler. I’ll just sum it up by saying I found out that my feelings for someone are unrequited, or at least unevenly-requited.  Yeah, I’ll go with unevenly-requited, to be specific.  Anyway, it still hurts.

I’ve been distracting myself by working out and studying.  Working out, because I do that anyway and an extra burst of physical exertion works well to remind me that even when my mind is all tangled up my body is still sound.  Getting my heartrate up and pushing my muscles just a bit more distracts me from moping and makes everything seem clear and more in perspective when I come back to thinking.

Studying is also a usual part of my life.  This semester I’m in an Anatomy course that’s intensive enough to demand quite a bit of time.  At the moment, it’s also a handy looking-at-things-in-perspective tool since we’re into the circulatory system.  I’ve always found the heart interesting (I’m not sure if other people have favorite organs.  Are there a bunch of kidney fans out there?  Or people who are totally into livers?); it’s aesthetically a beautiful organ, put together like a little muscular machine.  That’s why I like it and why I like the feeling that I can take one apart and know how it works and be absolutely sure it has nothing to do with love.

No matter how bad I feel, it’s all just that damn brain’s fault – and they’re always causing trouble, right?  Always doing some sneaky thing behind your back and then refusing to behave the way you’d like.  Not like the heart.  Good old heart, keeping you alive, just pumping away.  It’s all like, “You sad?  Well that’s cool, I’ll just be over here handling your blood supply.  No worries.”  Sure, they can break, but not because someone doesn’t like you.



UPDATE 4/10/12

Maybe all that hurt was over a big misunderstanding.  Things seem to be better with the person involved (again, I’m not feeling like going into details in this particular post), but dealing with the opposite extremes with one person – one that has such an emotional impact on me – has left me a little shaky.  I’ve gone and vented to a couple of people, which helps, and I have lots of other things to work on as I always do.  Just wanted to update this, since this issue might be coming up again in the future.


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