Things That Annoy Me

Things!  Sometimes they annoy me.  Maybe this will be a regular feature.  Mild annoyances are that I don’t have nearly enough time to be getting into Serious Things I want to write about here, or Fictional Things that I want to write about because I am busy and tired.  So it’s time for another short bit off the list of things I want to talk about:  Annoying Misconceptions.

Recently, I was talking to Someone.  It doesn’t matter who, and I’m not going to tell you.  I was complaining about wanting sex, when there is none to be had.  Someone pointed out that women get to decide when they have sex, while men have to wait to be chosen by us.

I already covered some of this in my “Standards” entry, but it is worth repeating:  This idea about how shit works is just plain Not True, and it’s bad for all of us.

If the question is, could I go to a bar or party or Wal-Mart parking lot and pick up a guy?  Then, yes, probably.  Quite possibly I could do that, and then I would get sex.  If the question is, can women in general do this just because they’re female?  Then, well, possibly, but not absolutely.  If the question is, could I try out the aforementioned pick-up and actually get sex that remotely resembles the kind of sex I want?  Then, maybe, but it’s not bloody likely.

That gives us three – three! – points, two of which are reasons why the world doesn’t work this way.  I love a good dissection, so let’s do it!

First, the basic premise that it’s up to me, as a woman, to decide when I want sex and then go get it.  This actually worked for me a lot when I was younger.  Fairly often, I would go to a club or party or something (never a Wal-Mart parking lot.  That was just an example.) by myself, and find someone to get it on with (In point 3 I’ll get into why this is not a good tactic for me).  I could still do that, but I am fully aware that the main reason I could is that although I’m not exactly Playboy material, I fit most of society’s standards of “a woman you might want to sleep with”.

That brings us to my first reason this idea is false:  women exist in a vast range.  Let’s say you’re a straight guy and I start hitting on you with the goal of heading back to your place.  Would you react differently if I were over 60?  What if I weighed 300 pounds or more?  What if I didn’t have a vagina, or if I did but hadn’t been born with it?  What if I were in a wheelchair?  I could go on like this for pages, but I think the point is clear: a woman with one or more of those characteristics might want sex just as much as I do, but my hypothetical straight guy may already have assigned them to the “women I will not have sex with” category.  That means that it simply isn’t true that ANY woman who wants sex can just march out into the world and demand that it be delivered to her.  Maybe I can, but that’s just me.  And even if I can, it doesn’t help matters.

Which is my second reason for hating this misconception: when I say I’m all pent up and want sex RIGHT NOW, I mean sex that is satisfying to me with someone I want in equal measure.  I just got through talking about guys rejecting (or not even considering) women as potential partners for whatever reason.  I have reasons for rejecting men, too.  In my recent “Unpacking” entry, I mentioned two people who I will not sleep with.  My reasons are entirely valid to me, and horniness will not change that.  I have gotten more selective, and said I’d get into why.  For one thing, it’s because in the past I’ve ended up with people I didn’t know at all, and then found out they had qualities that, had I talked to them or spent a little more time around them, would have made me reject them.  Oh!  The memories!  For the record, if you pick up a dude in a goth club, don’t assume the giant cross he’s wearing is just a fashion statement.

And the other thing I learned from my youthful misadventures: someone might seem enthusiastic about you, but not have any idea what to do with you.  You might end up just being thrust into for a short time, and then that’s it, your fun night is over.  If you ask for certain things, you might not get them anyway.  If I just want a bit of penetration, I don’t need a male of any sort.  Not only do I own all sorts of things that work great, I can also improvise!  I am always guaranteed to be safe and happy at the end, which I would not necessarily be with random people I only just met.

That’s it!  Off to do housework!

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