Three Laws, Part III

Hello everyone!  I want to start this final section of the series with a note that occurred to me partway through writing Part II.  I didn’t want to put it in the middle of that post and let it get buried, so here it is:

Even though I’m presenting all these ideas of mine as being The Law Of Cunt, they can easily be expanded to include women’s bodies in general, and by extension women’s autonomy and self-image.  It’s true that I like using the word “cunt”, and when the ideas started coalescing in my mind they were tagged as such before I even considered why.  Well, as far as I can tell at this writing, it’s due to the fact that a whole great lot of the issues women face as far as the way they’re seen and treated by society at large is due to the way that society views us sexually.  (And I probably don’t even need to say so at this point, but yes, I have further writing to do about that.)  Also, it’s really hard for a lot of women to own their bodies and their sexuality, and even harder for a lot of men to respect (or even be “man enough” to want to respect) a healthy body image and autonomous sexuality.  So yes, there are issues here far beyond the realm of one’s own personal cunt, but I’m sticking with my original concept.  That noted, I’ll get on with the . . .

Third Law Of Cunt:  The Cunt Is Not Dirty

Dirty.  It can mean two different things – “dirty” in the sense of being literally unclean, or “dirty” in the sense of being forbidden by social mores.  We have both meanings heaped upon our cunts before we can even understand what they mean.  And neither meaning is appropriate or correct.

I’ll start with the literal meaning, that of being not-clean.  Or doubleplus unclean, if you are fluent in newspeak.  I hate this one.  To view the cunt as basically less-than literally “clean” is to assume there is something inherently wrong with the entire area.  It’s to say that washing your cunt regularly as your would your face or hair is not sufficient, since there is something so wrong with it that even though it’s part of your body it is disconnected from your body in a way that makes it into some biohazard zone.  This does indeed tie into the second meaning of “dirty” since considering the cunt as something “other” than the rest of your body makes it less accessible and less free for exploration.  But for now, let’s talk about literal cleanliness.

If you have access to a good doctor or good literature (shout out to my Mum for giving my sister and I Our Bodies, Ourselves when we were kids!) you will have access to basic health and cleanliness information.  But I live in the US, where basic health care and information is treated like a special thing you earn.  Access is not a given.  Heck, I spent most of my twenties without health insurance and used the county clinic for everything.  When I compare the way I was often spoken to and treated there with the way my current doctor handles me, it really is two different standards that look like they should belong to two vastly different countries.  That’s the nasty truth that lots of people raving against “socialized medicine” don’t want to talk about.  It’s as if, where health care is concerned, there ARE two different countries but since they’re both called the same thing we can ignore that particular issue.  I’m getting back to the main point in a second, but since I’ve seen both sides I do want to say that some of my experiences with the county clinic were downright dehumanizing and did not provide me with useful information or a sense of responsibility for my well-being.  My current doctor is always respectful and answers any questions I have with useful information.  I want everyone to have access to a doctor like her, and the real information a dedicated and compassionate doctor can offer.  Political rant over, but as they say, the personal is political.  Maybe if we had a better medical system in this country I wouldn’t even THINK of repeating basic facts about care, since everyone would already know them.

So, basic health and cleanliness.  The vagina (that’s the internal part, the muscular section in between the opening of the cunt and the cervix) is self-cleaning.  IF you are in good health, nothing needs to be done to it.  The external parts should be washed with warm water.  Harsh soaps and chemicals can cause infections.  It seems simple, but here’s where a lot of problems arise: To know what is normal for your own cunt, you have to be familiar with it.  Lots of women feel the need to use products pushed on them to deal with what they think is unnatural odor or secretions because they have no idea what is a normal odor or secretion for them.  That’s where society can really fuck with you.  It’s also where the two definitions of dirtiness feed each other.  See, to know your own cunt, you have to take some time to get to know it on your own.  That means having the freedom and comfort to touch yourself, look at yourself, and know what you smell and taste like when you’re healthy.  Someone who feels it’s wrong to touch herself in the first place is going to be inhibited against getting thoroughly familiar with her own smells and tastes.  As soon as some dude or some advertisement tells her something is “wrong” with those smells and tastes she will not have the self-knowledge to call bullshit on them.  And it gets worse!  If you don’t know what your cunt is like when it’s healthy, how will you know when something really is wrong?  If you have an actual infection and are using douches or perfume to deal with it because you think cunts just always smell gross anyway, you are letting that infection get worse and possibly really injure you.  Seeing a healthy cunt as literally dirty can lead to poor health, since it takes the ability to monitor your health away from you.

And since I mentioned dudes in the above, I want to point out how much they can sometimes influence this concept.  I have run into all kinds of dudes who want to tell me all about the care and keeping of my cunt.  I know well enough now to run away, but not everyone does.  I’ve had dudes tell me I should douche since I smell bad, and I should shave since hair is somehow “dirty”.  Oh, the shaving!  It’s a fairly recent thing, if you didn’t know, and younger guys in particular seem to think it’s “cleaner”.  Not true.  It’s a personal decision, and I have no say for or against, but if you are rocking a full bush?  Yeah, you wash it.  You can even condition it as you would the hair on your head and make it all soft and shiny.  But dirty?  No.  Just no.  And if you are entirely bare, that doesn’t actually cause some kind of magical cleanliness – all the things noted above still apply.

This is also a good intersection (again) of the two perceptions of dirtiness that hurt us.  All those dudes I’ve run into that want to tell me all about what’s wrong with my cunt?  Perfectly happy to fuck it.  And that, my friends, is a fundamentally perverted view of sexuality.  It’s a view that allows these guys to go ahead and have what I consider pretty damn intimate biological contact with a part of me that they see as fundamentally unclean.  In my way of thinking, healthy, respectful sexuality means wanting to get close and intimate with another person’s body because that body is fucking hot and when you are in the middle of it you WANT it and it’s the BEST THING EVER and VERY SPECIAL.  Obviously, I’m talking about good sex, and how it should be ideally.  That’s the kind of sex I want people to have.  This is where is thing the forbidden aspect of the dirty cunt idea comes in – these people are not interested in the healthy, respectful kind of sex and may not even be able to see what that would be like because they buy into the idea that since society dictates that there is something inherently “dirty” going on there, the cunt is reduced to a convenient hole that is there to be fucked and cannot be loved or even treated as an important feature of the woman who owns it since it must be kept behind the curtain and controlled.  It’s turned into a bad joke that some guys use as little more than a masturbation aid.

On a personal note, “dirty” is one of those words I find in my own vocabulary in a contradictory way.  Again, it works the way that my contradiction to the First Law does – it’s not a true contradiction for me since the ONLY time it comes out is when I already know the Law is being observed.  Good sex for me does have a very base, animalistic side to it, and I can only have really good sex with someone I trust.  Maybe there’s a deep part of myself that enjoys taking on the baggage that bad bedmates have heaped on me and subverting it to excite a deserving partner.  If I’ve accidentally hooked up with some jerk that’s just going to poke away until he comes, I will never use The Dirty Talk.  But if it’s someone I know obeys the Third Law, I can say “Your dirty little slut needs her filthy cunt fucked right now,” and not only will I get the fucking, I’ll get to see the deserving partner smearing my juices all over himself and hear him reveling in how good I smell and taste.  And then after that, this being a good, Law-abiding man, I will be able to take myself home and never have to hear any complaints about how there’s something “wrong” with me.

That’s the personal note, and also why the Three Laws are important to me.  Having written all this out, I am starting to suspect that my own “contradictions” are really a therapeutic way for me to deal with all the terrible, terrible sex I’ve been party to.  At this point, I am lucky to be in a safe place to dig through all the bad things I’ve been involved in and look at why they’re there, and my brand of dirty talk may be part of that.  For everyone else, I want the same level of safety, whatever that might look like.  With a partner or not, sexual or not, I sincerely want women in general to have ownership of their bodies, to be able to find strength that doesn’t rely on hurting others, and to enjoy health and freedom from social forces that want them to be unaware of these Laws.  I can’t fix anything by writing these Laws down, but I’ll do it anyway.  As I’ve said earlier, allowing despair to silence me – even if it were just a silencing in the sense that I’d decide none of my ideas mattered enough to write down in my own personal forum – would be turning over power to the machinery that has already long been in place to ensure that I see my own ideas as not worth exploring.  None of us really have the luxury of going along with that machine, since it will only hurt us in the end.  That’s why, futile as it may seem, I’m driven to talk about my own experience and my dreams and desires.

If you’ve read through all this (especially if you actually did come across this randomly, as happens on the internets) feel free to comment!  Or share it with someone else.  Now that I’m done with the Three Laws posts I’ll probably get back to writing about heart-wrenching memories of mine or sexy things going on in my real life, but I have more social and political ranting left in me.

Stay Tuned.

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