The other day, I came across another of AbeBooks’ themed lists.  I like that the site always offers some commentary on the lists they put together.  Often, it makes me want to grab one of my well-read friends and discuss the list over drinks.  This one really hit on a long-standing fascination of mine that goes back to childhood, but I was reading it at work (don’t tell anyone.  It was a slow day, anyway.) where there are no well-read individuals to talk to and absolutely no drinks to be had.  I filed it away with some notes so I could get back to it later.  You guys are all well-read and like to delve into fascinations of mine, right?  Well, here’s the list:

Go get a drink and I’ll tell you about it.

“It Narratives”.  I never knew they had a name, but I’ve always loved them.  I loved them before I had learned the term “anthropomorphism” or had any hope of being able to pronounce it.  The Velveteen Rabbit, Watership Down (by the way, even though the film version is animated and has cute bunnies in it, if you have very young kids you may want to think twice about showing it to them.  My brother and I are scarred TO THIS DAY by our dear Mum making this mistake.), The Brave Little Toaster, all of these disturbed and fascinated me as a kid.  And they still do.  Only two years ago or so I watched The Iron Giant for the first time.  I hadn’t been terribly impressed by the book (possibly because I’m Team Plath and not inclined to care much for Ted Hughes to start with), but the film made my cry in a way that I was not at all ashamed of.  Well, I wasn’t until my husband at the time strolled in and laughed at me for crying at a kid’s film about a robot, but he didn’t understand whyDistrict 9 gave me several days’ worth of low-grade panic, either.  Bastard.

As anyone who knows me already is familiar with, I often have trouble relating to humans.  I have trouble recognizing faces and making small talk and all that, but what really gets to me sometimes is that since I am such an emotional person in a lot of ways, I want to be able to relate to other people better, and still get frustrated when I can’t.  This is probably what’s driven me to become so much better at social situations, but it still gets me more than I’d like.

All those animals or objects or androids or aliens or whatever that exist in narratives revolving around their developing a bond with a Real Person, or else being mistreated because their own humanity and depth of feeling cannot be understood by the world around them.  That’s what always got to me as a kid, and it’s why I still am drawn to these stories.

They clearly have a great appeal, too.  Something about using a non-human stand-in seems to resonate not just with kids, but with people in general.  Maybe they don’t know why, or maybe they don’t want to think about why as much as I do.

Running across this list and being reminded of my childhood preferences happened to come at a time when thinking about why I feel this way, and how much a part of my life it has always been, was just the thing I needed.  And now it’s kink time again.

I’m not sure I even remember how this topic came up, but Sir had mentioned Ponies to me at some point a while ago.  I immediately got that feeling again that He was somehow reading my mind, or pulling out some hidden part of me with, I don’t know, magic or something.  I never sat down and looked at it as, “Hmmm . . . I’d like to be a Pony.  Must find a way to look into that.”  Yet, it clicked with me so well that I filed it under Things To Discuss Further.  And now that I’ve thought about my general draw to anthropomorphism it makes much more sense.  Okay, not anthropomorphism, since it works the opposite way.  But you get the idea.  At some deeper level, even when it’s just Really Good Sex, states that strip away the need to prove I’m really a Real Human allow me to tap into all this raw energy that does feel animalistic. If the barriers are down and all is well at that particular time, it’s usually a carnivore.  The thing that really fascinates me about being allowed to fit the role of an equine in particular is that it’s a dichotomy of losing barriers far enough to not worry about human things and be another creature altogether, but at the same time it’s a far cry from being a wild fanged and clawed predator.  It’s an animal that can be trained, and shown, and used for work but at the same time retains its elegance and strength in a way that most domestic animals don’t.

Like most girls, especially those of us that grew up in the country, I do have a long-standing connection to horses.  So there’s that.  But more than that is the desire to explore the parts of me that are unsettled by being human, and being offered a way to find out what it could be like to look closely at that part, and give it room to thrive and be happy.

And that is how a post about books turns into one about kink.


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